Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sext me about skeletons
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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