Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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