we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
