you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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