I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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