Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
