She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
