Can Purell be used as lube?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
