the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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