god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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