Sry I called you an 8
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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