when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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