new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
