$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
