He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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