I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
