Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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