God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
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