I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
