Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
