tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
