Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just google imaged poop.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
