She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
