dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
