I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
