Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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