i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
