No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
