The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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