I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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