So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
