but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
