she woke up with a sticky ear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
