Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
