Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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