If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
