We named our party play list daddy issues
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
