My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
