your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
