so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
