If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
