you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The best revenge is premature balding
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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