She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
