He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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