If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
