I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
