Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
