One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
