remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
