apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
