I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
